Changes

Hmmm... Interesting things, as of late.

Angelboy took me out to a really swank restaurant on Sunday. In all of the months that we have been dating, we realized that we have never had a nice dinner date. So we dressed up in our fanciest clothes - him looking delicious in a shirt and tie, contrasting nicely with his black hair and the silver hook dangling from his lip. I dressed in my emerald green dress with the black sash, silk and tulle that stops at my knees, so I could finally show off my cute black studded heels. And my collars, of course. The food was to die for, italian pasta that made my tongue dance, hot fresh bread dipped in oil, yumyumyuuuuuum. It was my first time trying white zinfandel wine, and it was quite a treat! We had a blast, and left the restaurant with stuffed tummies and glowing hearts. It was the first time in many many weeks that I have stopped being a hermit, and I was glad that Angelboy had the idea.

On Monday, I came into work and gave them my two weeks notice. I have been thinking about it a lot, and with winter around the corner, the idea of driving over two hours a day in ice and snow... I am convinced that I will get into a wreck and die. With Jack Frost getting stronger every morning, I figured that now was the time. I am tired of panicking about it every day.

I am actually quite excited about this new change. I won't miss the drive, nor will I miss working in an office. My madre agreed to let me work ten hours a week for her company, as she had been looking for an intern, and this will get me out of the house twice a week. In return, I have to start going back to counseling again. I agreed. At this point, I admit that I certainly could use some help.

In addition to working for my mother's company, I am going to spend the majority of my time working on my own. I am building the website and then I shall go out full-force and freelance - an opportunity that is both exciting and just plain terrifying. Gremlin thoughts of failure are abounding, the idea that my writing just won't be plain good enough.... But I try to ward those thoughts off with the reminder that I have been doing this kind of writing for several years, and in the last two months alone, I managed to get several jobs. This was without even really putting for an effort. So when I take the time to dedicate my energy and efforts towards building this business.... I mean, it has to work.

If nothing else, it is a change. It is a break in the monotony, leaving before a boring job where I spend almost my entire shift playing on Tumblr or just going through Facebook games... That isn't the kind of life I want. That isn't work to be proud of. So I am done.

I am moving on, moving to better things, making the change happen myself. And during all of this hard work, I will have more time to take care of myself, to go and talk to professional people who might help ease this terror that I have gone a bit crazy lately. More time to heal, more time to open up, more time to grow.

Bring it on. :)