My mother went out and bought me a new laptop over the weekend, a birthday present that serves the dual purpose of getting me off of her business computer, which I have been using for the past few months to satisfy my addictions to silly games and to stalk Craftster).
It is beautiful, a dark black-red that makes my heart happy. And I am ready to (re)start a big project - working on my Book of Shadows. Several times during the past few years, I have attempted to gather all of my beliefs, favorite artwork, poems, etc., into one primary source. The plan has always been to keep an electronic copy, print out a few pages at a time and gather them into a three-ring binder, and eventually copy down by hand into a more elegant bound book.
Needless to say, my attempts at an electronic version have not gone very well. Over the past year and a half, three BoS versions have been mysteriously deleted or lost with computer crashes/deaths. And I have found that having a central collection of information greatly helps my ability to learn, process, and grow. As I am still very new to discovering my pagan path, this book is very important to me, giving me a place to explore and edit and change as my discoveries reveal new revelations.
It is a bit frustration to start back at square one (again!), but the excitement is far outweighing any frustration at this point. I have been looking forward to this for about six months now, and it is time to start gathering up all of the little scraps of paper that I tried to use to jot down little notes, time to organize things again and give my witchy wonderings a place to rest.
*happy starchild wiggledances*
Monday, August 23, 2010
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Mabon Swap!
This week has been relatively uneventful. The seasons are beginning to shift and that has put me into a contemplative state, just retreating back into my head and holing up inside of my home. Just taking the time to enjoy the peace and serenity.
I do find myself busy with one thing, however, and that is the WWP Mabon swap, a craft swap on Craftster where you are given a partner, learn about their tastes, and make gifts for them based upon a central theme. The WWP (Witch/Wiccan/Pagan) swaps have been going on for several years now, and I have contented myself with stalking the last year's worth of swaps. So many amazing crafts, so much inspiration everywhere!
And this time, I was able to sign up for a round! Mabon is fast approaching, summer fading into autumn, and that is the swap I have joined! I wish I could explain my excitement - I have so many ideas swirling at warp speed through my head! I am going to go to the craft store today and pick up some supplies - and I think I shall be trying a craft that I have never tried before! This makes me excited but nervous, so we shall see how it goes! :)
I do find myself busy with one thing, however, and that is the WWP Mabon swap, a craft swap on Craftster where you are given a partner, learn about their tastes, and make gifts for them based upon a central theme. The WWP (Witch/Wiccan/Pagan) swaps have been going on for several years now, and I have contented myself with stalking the last year's worth of swaps. So many amazing crafts, so much inspiration everywhere!
And this time, I was able to sign up for a round! Mabon is fast approaching, summer fading into autumn, and that is the swap I have joined! I wish I could explain my excitement - I have so many ideas swirling at warp speed through my head! I am going to go to the craft store today and pick up some supplies - and I think I shall be trying a craft that I have never tried before! This makes me excited but nervous, so we shall see how it goes! :)
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Wedding Adventures!
This weekend was one of craziness with my older sister Aimee getting married to her sweetheart of the past seven years. It was hectic and intense and there were moments when I wanted to scream from frustration and moments when my heart swelled with so much joy, I thought it would burst into a cloud of glitterdust.
Friday, the whole family gathered together for the rehearsal and the following dinner at the bowling alley. The rehearsal went smoothly, but tensions were running very high at the bowling alley, with my mother feeling out of place and upset and frustrated and angry. Her emotions were very negative and volatile, but my sister Danielle and I tried to be compassionate, trying to understand where she was coming from. After a few hours, though, my nerves couldn't take it anymore, and the entire family was feeling a bit frayed around the edges.
Things loosened up some once we got a bowling game started for the sake of my young niece and nephew. They shrieked with laughter and slipped over the lane and threw the balls against the gutters and did silly dances when they knocked over pins. Their joy was infectious, and soon they also drew me, my sister Danielle (their mother) and Angelboy into a game, and even my mother was smiling at the end of it.
Saturday was the wedding. We were awake at six am to head to breakfast before going to the salon to start getting out hair done. Angelboy was amazing, driving me, Danielle, and my niece Skylar around everywhere. All of the hair stylists were amazed, he just smiled and watched me get my hair done and read a book, and didn't complain when one hour turned to two and a half. I was glad my stylist did a good job with my updo - since my hair goes down to my hips, it took a while to do, but it rocked.
Then Angelboy drove us to the Catholic church where we girls climbed into our dresses. He turned into a tailor when I needed him too, pinning my dress up (it was two inches too long, even with my four inch heels! Darn being so short!), taking pictures of Skylar all dressed up as a flower girl, running to the car in the rain to get makeup. That boy is truly one of a kind.
The wedding was absolutely beautiful. The church was a stunning cathedral with paintings all over the ceilings, elaborate altars, candles, incense. The ceremony itself was rather short, and my sister Aimee stole all hearts. She looked simply... exquisite. The picture of perfection, her shimmery eyes visible beneath the delicate veil that obscured her gaze like gossamer, her white gown, the sparkles at her throat. The joy on her face and the face of her new husband, Ryan, as they joined together... It was truly beautiful and I wish them nothing but the best of luck and all of the happiness in the world.
There were two hours of pictures taken afterwards, sweating in the hothotsun, so by the time we made it to the reception, we were in bad need of flipflops, drinks, and air-conditioning. It was good to dance, spinning around with my Angelboy on the dancefloor, little kids stopping me to ask if they could touch the sharp spikes of my collars, watching my seven year old nephew Ethan catch the garter, his giggle and grin of pride when he showed it off.
It was a fabulous weekend, truly told. Exhausting in every way, but fabulous nonetheless. I feel much more... balanced. Truly appreciative of all the wonderful people in my life and grateful for the many blessings that the Goddess has given me.
I feel like I have found the magick and joy in life again, a jolt that I was needing desperately.
All is well in this Starchild's world. :)
Friday, the whole family gathered together for the rehearsal and the following dinner at the bowling alley. The rehearsal went smoothly, but tensions were running very high at the bowling alley, with my mother feeling out of place and upset and frustrated and angry. Her emotions were very negative and volatile, but my sister Danielle and I tried to be compassionate, trying to understand where she was coming from. After a few hours, though, my nerves couldn't take it anymore, and the entire family was feeling a bit frayed around the edges.
Things loosened up some once we got a bowling game started for the sake of my young niece and nephew. They shrieked with laughter and slipped over the lane and threw the balls against the gutters and did silly dances when they knocked over pins. Their joy was infectious, and soon they also drew me, my sister Danielle (their mother) and Angelboy into a game, and even my mother was smiling at the end of it.
Saturday was the wedding. We were awake at six am to head to breakfast before going to the salon to start getting out hair done. Angelboy was amazing, driving me, Danielle, and my niece Skylar around everywhere. All of the hair stylists were amazed, he just smiled and watched me get my hair done and read a book, and didn't complain when one hour turned to two and a half. I was glad my stylist did a good job with my updo - since my hair goes down to my hips, it took a while to do, but it rocked.
Then Angelboy drove us to the Catholic church where we girls climbed into our dresses. He turned into a tailor when I needed him too, pinning my dress up (it was two inches too long, even with my four inch heels! Darn being so short!), taking pictures of Skylar all dressed up as a flower girl, running to the car in the rain to get makeup. That boy is truly one of a kind.
The wedding was absolutely beautiful. The church was a stunning cathedral with paintings all over the ceilings, elaborate altars, candles, incense. The ceremony itself was rather short, and my sister Aimee stole all hearts. She looked simply... exquisite. The picture of perfection, her shimmery eyes visible beneath the delicate veil that obscured her gaze like gossamer, her white gown, the sparkles at her throat. The joy on her face and the face of her new husband, Ryan, as they joined together... It was truly beautiful and I wish them nothing but the best of luck and all of the happiness in the world.
There were two hours of pictures taken afterwards, sweating in the hothotsun, so by the time we made it to the reception, we were in bad need of flipflops, drinks, and air-conditioning. It was good to dance, spinning around with my Angelboy on the dancefloor, little kids stopping me to ask if they could touch the sharp spikes of my collars, watching my seven year old nephew Ethan catch the garter, his giggle and grin of pride when he showed it off.
It was a fabulous weekend, truly told. Exhausting in every way, but fabulous nonetheless. I feel much more... balanced. Truly appreciative of all the wonderful people in my life and grateful for the many blessings that the Goddess has given me.
I feel like I have found the magick and joy in life again, a jolt that I was needing desperately.
All is well in this Starchild's world. :)
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Missing the Winged Girl
These last few weeks have been a roller-coaster whirlwind, it feels. Ever since the postcards have started coming, my emotions have been tospy-turvy. Tears come every day, anxiety dances beneath my skin and I have taken up the bad-habit of smoking again, something I was proud to have quit at the beginning of the summer. I miss that girl, miss her smile, miss the nights we stayed up all night talking. I miss our connection, how we could sense each other's emotions even two time zones away. I have never been able to open up to anyone the way that I did her - and vice versa. My family knew her, adored her, welcomed the thought of bringing her into our family when we grew up and got married.
I miss her. But betrayal still stings me, makes me relook at our past and wonder where that girl I fell in love with went - because the girl I loved wouldn't have spun such untruths and falsehoods around me. She is a stranger to me now, but my heart still yearns. Still aches. Some days, it is all I can do to keep from picking up the phone and calling to hear her voice. But it is hard. I know that my Angelboy will be threatened, I will lose the rest of my friends, and I can't even count on the fact that she would tell the truth.
My heart is sore and swollen, feeling at once too-full and yet so empty. I have been picking fights with Angelboy, unable to get past this feeling of frustration and anger and sadness. Afterwards, I am always ashamed. I feel stuck in a rut, unable to move, unable to journey forwards or backwards. Mud climbing up my legs, keeping me firmly rooted. Stuck in stagnation, which has always been my biggest fear. When life becomes stagnant and I feel trapped, I panic, grow anxious and start lashing out, start pushing people away.
I have been trying to stay superbusy, and so far, that has helped a lot. This past week has been filled with family adventures, as my youngest-older sister Aimee is getting married on Saturday. This week has been a whirlwind of shopping and gifts and dresses and shoes and nails and hair, everyone working themselves to the bone to give her this perfect amazing day. She deserves it.
Yet even amidst the hectic craziness of pre-wedding activities, my mother still found time to show her own craftiness. She is a goddess of the kitchen, a skill that neither my sister Danielle nor I seem to have gotten. She doesn't follow recipes, just makes things up as they go along, throwing in a dash of this and a dash of that, and creating nothing but the most mouth-watering delicacies.
This week, she taught Danielle and I how to can. On Monday, we spent hours peeling and cutting up tomotoes, cucumbers, onions, garlic, cilantro, throwing them all together to make the most delicious salsa ever. We have 27 jars to show for our hard work, and three jars have been consumed in the last three days alone. Tuesday, we spent seven hours cutting cucumbers after cucumbers, making dill pickles, bread and butter sliced pickles, hamburger pickles, pickled tomatoes, pickled cauliflower, and lots of relish. At the end of the night, all three of us were ready to drop from exhaustion. Yet we had 72 jars of various pickles proudly stacked on the table.
Those were the highlights of the week, time with the mother I admire and the sister I adore, laughing and joking and teasing and sharing and learning and creating together. Magic.
I miss her. But betrayal still stings me, makes me relook at our past and wonder where that girl I fell in love with went - because the girl I loved wouldn't have spun such untruths and falsehoods around me. She is a stranger to me now, but my heart still yearns. Still aches. Some days, it is all I can do to keep from picking up the phone and calling to hear her voice. But it is hard. I know that my Angelboy will be threatened, I will lose the rest of my friends, and I can't even count on the fact that she would tell the truth.
My heart is sore and swollen, feeling at once too-full and yet so empty. I have been picking fights with Angelboy, unable to get past this feeling of frustration and anger and sadness. Afterwards, I am always ashamed. I feel stuck in a rut, unable to move, unable to journey forwards or backwards. Mud climbing up my legs, keeping me firmly rooted. Stuck in stagnation, which has always been my biggest fear. When life becomes stagnant and I feel trapped, I panic, grow anxious and start lashing out, start pushing people away.
I have been trying to stay superbusy, and so far, that has helped a lot. This past week has been filled with family adventures, as my youngest-older sister Aimee is getting married on Saturday. This week has been a whirlwind of shopping and gifts and dresses and shoes and nails and hair, everyone working themselves to the bone to give her this perfect amazing day. She deserves it.
Yet even amidst the hectic craziness of pre-wedding activities, my mother still found time to show her own craftiness. She is a goddess of the kitchen, a skill that neither my sister Danielle nor I seem to have gotten. She doesn't follow recipes, just makes things up as they go along, throwing in a dash of this and a dash of that, and creating nothing but the most mouth-watering delicacies.
This week, she taught Danielle and I how to can. On Monday, we spent hours peeling and cutting up tomotoes, cucumbers, onions, garlic, cilantro, throwing them all together to make the most delicious salsa ever. We have 27 jars to show for our hard work, and three jars have been consumed in the last three days alone. Tuesday, we spent seven hours cutting cucumbers after cucumbers, making dill pickles, bread and butter sliced pickles, hamburger pickles, pickled tomatoes, pickled cauliflower, and lots of relish. At the end of the night, all three of us were ready to drop from exhaustion. Yet we had 72 jars of various pickles proudly stacked on the table.
Those were the highlights of the week, time with the mother I admire and the sister I adore, laughing and joking and teasing and sharing and learning and creating together. Magic.
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