I finally managed to snag a few spare moments to write. Life has been busy in the most amazing of ways. There is always so much to do, and at the end of the day, there is always so much left over to be finished. These days have turned into blurs of work, of driving, of fingers nimbly trying to tie off threads or wield needles without stabbing myself, of hours in the kitchen with glasses of wine and the most amazing aromas rising off of the stove to tantalize my tummy. Filled with crafting and phone calls and visits, trying to balance all of these responsibilities at once. The evenings are gone in a flash and then it is time to tumble into bed again, scrape together enough sleep to rise alongside of the sun the next morning.
Life has been crazybusy but filled with so much positivity at the same time. Work takes up most of my time, and while I know that I don't want a longterm career stuck in an office, it is nice to have a stable job and the ability to feel a bit productive. On the side, I have also started doing some freelance writing, which is both terrifying and exciting. I have two major jobs that will be due in the next three weeks, demanding a lot of my nonexistant spare time - but it will pay off majorly. Two projects will equal almost two months of pay at my dayjob, and my mind almost dizzy with gratitude. I can use those dollars to pay for the medical bills from unisured hospital visits this past Spring, to start paying off this strangling debt and finally find balance.
Then I can start finally saving up, so Angelboy and I can leave Ohio when he finishes school this upcoming spring. We can head to the West Coast, I can work on my computer, we can travel and see the world. I can get my tattoos and my dreads and follow this silly heart, find freedom while balancing responsibility.
But starting a freelance business is scary, especially when I am constantly battling against low-self esteem, chittering voices that warn me of failure and cruel mockery. Nevermind the fact that I have been doing editing, proof-reading, and technical writing for my mother's company since I was about thirteen years old... I am still plagued with these worries that my attempts and my work will just be plain... not good enough.
Sometimes, it is hard to tell gremlins to shut up and go away.
So, yeah. My free-time is going to get a lot more limited, but all for positive reasons. I just hope that I will be bale to find enough moments to merit joining the Crafster Samhain swap that will be coming up soon. I don't want to join unless I am positive I will have enough time to put a lot of work into my crafts. Samhain seems to be the most popular WWP swap, and I already have some ideas, so I would be sad to miss out on this one. I am having an absolute blast will the Mabon swap - there are just so many wonderful, beautiful souls in this community and I feel honored to slowly be getting to know them.
All of these ideas and crafting have been making my heart shine and my smiles constant. Since Spring, I have been letting myself rest in a fog of shadows, cut off from the world and myself, and lost to all creative impulses. I still feel rusty when it comes to crafting, and a little anxious that my projects won't be quite up to par (again, silly self-esteem gremlins rearing their ugly heads!). But regardless of all of that, it feels good to craft again, good to be inspired, good to be getting in touch with my spirituality once more.
I really missed this. :)
No comments:
Post a Comment